it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
