A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize