I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he thought i was a dude.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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