They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
