Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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