I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
