Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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