Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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