i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
