There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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