So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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