When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
