you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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