Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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