I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
