After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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