On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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