***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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