so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
