it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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