been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I pour the whiskey from now on
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
