I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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