That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
