My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
