I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
