Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
