She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
