Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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