I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
