I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
