She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
