dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize