I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
whose parrot is this?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
