I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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