we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
