One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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