Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
