i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize