he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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