Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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