as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
