If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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