I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
