Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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