So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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