The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
