So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
