AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
