My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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