Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
