I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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