Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
