god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
