shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
