I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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