Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
