I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
