you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
