I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
