My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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