A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
