"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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