This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
