can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
