she looked like the before picture.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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