Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I will pee on everything he values.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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