I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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