Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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