a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
