I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
