very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
