I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
