Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
