Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
