I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
