you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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