The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
