Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
