I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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