Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
