Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They took my balls.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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